Hula Dawgs

*** THIS RESTAURANT IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED ***

If you can eat a two pound hamburger, your picture will be posted on Hula Dawgs’ Wall of Fame. You might even get your picture on the wall if you try and fail (in which case it is known as the Wall of Shame). Photos of those who succeed are accompanied by a note saying just how many pounds of hamburger they ate. At $16, including a half pound of fries and a drink, two pounds is just the beginning. Add $6 for another pound of meat, $12 for two more pounds. The current champ ate 6.5 pounds.

To be clear, the multi-pound burgers are not single huge patties. They are piles of half-pounders. Those of modest appetite can have a Hula Burger, which is a single half-pound patty, or even a Li’l Kahuna, which is a quarter-pound. It’s good beef, hand-pattied and well-seasoned, although cooked to a degree of doneness that requisite succulence is obtained only thanks to added cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, pickle, ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard. With all those juicy condiments and slippery garnishes, my Big Kahuna (2 half-pound patties) soon became knife-and-fork food. I can’t imagine how the big eaters dispatch four or more patties stacked in a bun.

Big hot dogs are another specialty. They’re large-girth Nathan’s beef franks, either 1/4-pound or 1/2-pound, the latter a 13-incher that is served in two end-to-end buns. It’s an impressive sight, but impossible to pick up. I sawed the dog in half and ate two 6.5-inchers. I do recommend the chili as a dog topper. It is radiant with intense pepper flavor (but is not too hot), and it pairs well with cole slaw, making an exemplary Dixie dog.

The menu offers an array of sandwiches, wings, gyros, cheese steaks, even some salads and, curiously enough, lumpia. A signature of the Philippines (where the owners come from), these elegant spring rolls come wrapped in parchment-thin crisp skin and are packed with spicy, fine-grind meat and vegetables. At less than $2 apiece, they are a great bargain.

I never would have found this place if Roadfood.com’s Chickenplucker hadn’t written about it in his magnificent forum thread, “Augusta, GA, just ain’t no place to be…“ Located in a drab strip mall near Fort Gordon, it is all too easy to drive right by. That would be a mistake, for this is good food with value beyond its silly sizes. And the place is charming, decorated in Hawaiian / surfer / Polynesian style with picnic table seating. I had a great time kibbitzing with the high-spirited proprietor and staff, who seem to be having a lot of fun serving their Fort Gordon regulars as well as passers-by lucky enough to know about this little treasure.