Kevin’s Hamburger Heaven

Let’s face it: Kevin’s Hamburger Heaven, with its grease-stained parking lot and semi-industrial neighborhood location, looks like a dump. But don’t be fooled: inside, Kevin’s is surprisingly spiffy. This supreme 24/7 grease joint has been open since 1988 and gives the appearance of a much older eatery. The waitresses are diner veterans: efficient, no-nonsense ladies who will take good care of you. There are a few tables, but the counter stools give the best view of the short-order action.

Watch as the grill chef ice-cream-scoops a portion of fresh ground beef onto the hot grill and then proceeds to smash it down with a metal flattener. The patty is sprinkled with “special seasoning,” then gets covered as it cooks. The result is a crusty, well-seasoned, juicy Rorschach-contoured burger on a toasted bun piled high with the fresh garnishes of your choice. Fried onions, cooked next to the burger to mingle with the beef oozings, are an especially nice option. French fries are crisp, and there’s a bottle of house-label steak sauce on the table for playing with your food.

Of course, 24-hour breakfast is available, ranging from the very popular $1.19 breakfast special of two eggs, toast, and hash browns or grits, up to the also very popular big-spender’s steak-n-eggs (‘Tenderness not guaranteed on “Medium Well or Well Done” Steaks Positively NO Refunds’).

We suppose when a restaurant announces the presence of a nighttime entryway metal detector, it means to reassure us, not deter us. And while Kevin’s is indeed the perfect 2 am respite for those inclined to appreciate the suchness of the late-night hash house, the more timid of soul might be better advised to pay Kevin’s a daytime visit.