Are there any signs you wish you could put up, telling people things you wish they would know, but you know if you did put them up they’d offend some of your customers so you just bite your tongue and not do it?

I have a couple signs I wish I could put up:

“I am happy to give you directions, but I cannot guarantee the accuracy of those directions if you are not a paying customer.”

“Hot dogs take less than 1 minute to prepare. Italian sausage takes about 2 minutes. Cheeseburgers take 3 to 4 minutes. If you choose to go to the hardware store ‘while you wait’ for your food, I will not re-cook it because it was cold when you received it.”

and, finally:

“It costs me $6 per bag to dispose of trash. Please only place trash from your meal in my trash barrels. Cleaning out your car into my barrels is not acceptable – why should I have to pay to get rid of your crap?”

As I said – I won’t be likely to put these signs up in danger of offending people, but, really… I wish I could.

Anyone here have any to add?