To be comfortable at a restaurant I want to exchange a MUTUAL friendly/ courteous experience with the server and host/hostess. I treat the help with respect and expect that they will in turn treat me and my guests the same way.
The arrogance of some establishments (as opposed to individual worker) will cause me to avoid doing business with them in the future. Individual workers are a different matter. If someone is having a bad day, I can sympathize with that (once), but if it happens often, I will avoid the place after giving the person the benefit of the doubt a couple of times.
The opposite end of the spectrum is true also. I do not like the OUTBACK policy that has your server sitting down and conversing at your table as he/she takes your order. If a conversation develops around the business at hand…your order or the menu, then it should be brief and to the point. Any additional comments should be customer generated, not a monolog by the help to entertain you.
It is possible to enjoy excellent service while not becoming a close personal friend…or victim of verbal abuse by the staff.
You can structure the amount of informality or ‘Tude you will handle to meet your own tastes (no pun)